Here's a selection of appropriate quips from the timeless Milton Berle:
"Birds. Until I was six I thought they were 'boids."
"A rooster saw a slew of dyed Easter eggs. After thinking about it for a minute he said, "When I find him, I'm going to beat the hell out of that peacock!"
"Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies."
On Health Foods: "I stopped buying natural foods when I found out that eighty percent of people die from natural causes."
"Overweight is when you put on yellow and men whistle for you instead of a cab."
The Stones returned from a trip to the Orient. Mrs. Stone, a bit of a showoff, bragged about a number of fancy restaurants they'd eaten in. A friend asked her, "Did you get to see the pagodas?" Mrs. Stone answered:"See them? We had lunch with them!"
This page originally published as part of the electronic Gourmet Guide between 1994 and 1998.
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This page modified February 2007
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